The Dash
by Linda Ellis copyright 1996 I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning…to the end. He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years. For that dash represents all the time that they spent alive on earth. And now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we own, the cars…the house…the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash. So, think about this long and hard. Are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real and always try to understand the way other people feel. And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before. If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile, remembering that this special dash might only last a little while. So, when your eulogy is being read, with your life’s actions to rehash… would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent YOUR dash?
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As I read the headlines and browse my Facebook Home Page, I wonder, "Where Are You, Joy?" I wonder if you wonder the same thing.
We live in a time and place of great divide, which is causing great despair, both in our dialogue and for many, in daily life. America's democratic passing of the baton has deepened and widened the emotional and practical divide of American citizens, and increasingly, citizens of the world. Regardless of who you believe threw the first punch, so to speak, regarding the spewing of divisive dialogue, all who continue to engage are guilty of prolonging the fight. In fact, much of what is said appears to be said to do exactly that - prolong and stoke the fight. We are fortunate that, over time, people have been willing to fight - intellectually and physically - for important change in our society. Think abolition, civil rights, women's rights, to name a few. It is important to remember, however, that individuals often come to see the need for change far earlier than organizations and institutions. That individuals see more clearly than groups puts into the hands of individuals the ability to act first and more specifically to do the right thing. In fact, we all have the power to conduct ourselves in a manner that serves our personal interests in the context of serving the greater good. If we all act this way, we will not need to rely on governing entities to make our choices for us. I do not naively suggest that a society should set no parameters for conduct; however, when individuals conduct themselves in a responsible manner that shows respect for not only themselves, but also the whole, the importance of rules of conduct is diminished. Rules are, after all, for the bad guys. Unfortunately, we as Americans find ourselves disappointed in, disillusioned by and even fearful of our elected leaders. This is not something new, even if media and social media would have you believe it is. Perhaps it's another "alternative fact." The reality is that if individuals exercised their citizenship, something our former President asked of everyone during his farewell address, our nation would not have to rely so heavily on laws established by those we elect to control our life choices. It is my hope that we as individuals will use our unique gifts to be our best selves, as individuals and as members of this great society. It takes time, energy, perseverance and compassion to ensure that our unique qualities will allow us to thrive as a community of individuals who are more alike than different. It is also my personal belief that words spoken and actions taken, born out of internal joy, will absolutely lead us toward this great end. Let us rely on that joy, rather than our elected people, who seem to have lost touch with what we truly want, to lead our great society forward. It is time to take things into our own hands - not just the writing and speaking of opinion, but rather the living of lives worthy of our words. The Joy is there. Feel it and live it. Our families, friendships, communities, states, countries and world are depending on it. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr "How does the water get to the roots?" asked my daughter's Jewish friend about our Christmas tree. Knowing a tree would surely die if the water couldn't get to its roots, she was not only curious, but also concerned, about how the water could get to our tree's roots. Imagine her reaction when my daughter told her it couldn't - because we had cut the tree down.
I do feel a bit of guilt at the notion of cutting down a living tree each year to serve as our family Christmas tree. After all, it is literally giving its life for us. But I don't think I will ever be able to give up this tradition. I'm not unwilling to part with tradition; rather, I am unwilling to part with the life each tree gives me. Christmas trees, being evergreens, are symbols of life that thrives throughout the year, no matter the weather. We add lights, which bring precious brightness during the darkest time of year. Ornaments, which in my home are treasures gifted and purchased, and reminders of someone or somewhere special, adorn the branches. My Christmas tree, while technically dead, is alive. And it brings me great joy. This year's tree for me is my most favorite of all. (My family would say I say that every year, which may or may not be true, and even if it is, it is still true that this year's tree is my favorite, and I truly believe it is.) I specifically chose this tree because it was more "open" - again, my family not sure what I was talking about. When we brought it in and the branches settled, it was clear that there was much open space between the branches, which tended to reach out in all directions. All of the openess allowed for the lights to be placed well into the interior, and for our beloved treasures to hang in nooks and crannies. I love its imperfect perfection. I have spent many an early morning staring deeply into this living symbol of Christmas spirit. It has literally filled my heart with joy and love. Sadly, my Christmas tree, with its lights and treasures, will soon come down. Just as it "lived on" even after water no longer fed its roots, I vow that the joy it brought will live on in my heart to bring brightness to the world. My hope for this post-Christmas season is that we might all take the joy and love of Christmas deep into the dark places in our world. May they help us bring peace and understanding to the hearts and minds of all people, allowing us to all feel the light and the life. If a tree whose roots no longer take water can do it, I believe we can, too. Today is the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year. Many also call it the darkest day of the year, because it is the day that has the most darkness.
Photos from Aleppo are appearing around me. Vivid images of darkness too dark for my imagination to absorb. Scenes of a force that has taken life - literally and figuratively - from a city, a culture, a people. Graphic tales of humankind at its worst, its darkest. My tears blur my vision now, but the images cast in my mind are clear. This clarity of the story revealed in these photos must bring light. We who are fortunate to be simply witnessing from afar this darkness, and not experiencing it first-hand, must be the light, compelled to act to dispel the darkness. We must see clearly and listen to our hearts to allow our minds to conjure a clear way to aid and stop the dark forces that have created this situation for so many. Please, please, please open your minds to hear your hearts, and allow the light to bring clear ideas. And share them. And let us all act. Please, let this be the darkest day, from which light grows longer each day. Please. Do you have an attitude of gratitude? I've been repeating the phrase 'attitude of gratitude' for the past several days, because after hearing it, the rhyme stuck with me, as did the idea, especially during this Thanksgiving week.
I was tutoring my dear scholar at a local school, as I do each week, in the same room where several teachers were planning the next day's field trip. They were discussing the schedule, reminding each other to wear old clothes for hiking through a cave, assigning students to busses, etc., when one of them shared that a student had asked what type of bus they would be riding on the field trip. She said she responded by holding up the receipt detailing the cost of the trip, telling the students they should adopt an 'attitude of gratitude' for having the opportunity to take this trip, at no cost to them, and not be disappointed that they were taking school buses and not coach buses. She was perceptibly annoyed that the students were allowing their want for more to overshadow their gratitude for what they were being given. "Comparison is lethal to contentment" is a quote I keep on my desk to remind me that if I consider the gifts I have been given relative to what I have not been given, I will not be content. I find this to be absolutely true. However, when I cherish my life, as it is, I am content, and I am grateful. Using my gifts to bring goodness to the world brings joy to myself and to others, which brings more gratitude. It is a remarkable circle of wonderfulness. This Thanksgiving, and always, adopt an 'attitude of gratitude' and watch the joy scatter more joy. |
Lucindi
author of "JOY" Archives
January 2019
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